Soft water flows, rushing around me.
The sunlight has found me,
hiding in shade.
We guide our rocks into the still water.
The pond's rippling daughter
has welcomed us in.
And all I had found
in this life had let me down,
up until this moment.
I dangle my legs off of this bridge to
see my face in clear view
before we are gone.
And we, looking around, we'll keep this our secret.
No one else will see it.
This garden is ours.
And oh, the places I'd feared
have all led me here:
here to this moment.
And all I had found
in this life had let me down
up until this moment.
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Comments
Words are chosen really well and there are several stanza of real energy in this, which captivated my mind and did not want to let go.
The techniique. It is written in a "Harré" and there are a few places where you could adjust the words, so the strophe all go into the flow of the Harè. It would not really break the rime but make it even more powerful.
I will sure give you a fav for this work and add it to my Best of Poetry Collection. I hope you take the suggestion of adjusting it into a straight Harrè.
I wish you plenty of this special kind of moments. Thank you for giving me a special moment while reading your work.
Christof
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M.psych Christof Lehmann
Welcome to my D.A. portfolio: [link]
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